Why I Need Feminism

Leave a comment

If you don’t like feminist rants, stop reading. But know that you shouldn’t stop reading because if you don’t like feminist rants, there’s a good chance you need to read this.

Dear men,
Stop standing behind me at the gym while I’m using a machine. I am not going to get off the machine any faster with you breathing down my neck. I get it. You NEED to work out RIGHT NOW, but listen, I was here first. This is how order works. Without waiting our turn for things, the world would be in chaos. You look really creepy doing this, and it’s really freaking rude. You don’t do this to other males. In fact when other males are on machines, you do something else until they’re done, and then ask them if they’re done before you use it. WOMEN DESERVE THE SAME RESPECT. The gym is not “your turf.” I would not treat you like this if you came to the beauty salon. Why? Because these are public places, not operated by your patriarchy. It is 2015. Every man after Adam came out of a woman. Show some respect.

This actually happened to me. This actually happens kind of a lot to me. If you read my blog religiously, or sporadically I suppose, you know I hate going to the gym. I really do. In case I needed another reason, here is one. Men. Why is it that when I go to the gym I feel like I have to be neither seen nor heard so I don’t get in the way of men picking up heavy things? It’s not fair. It’s really messed up.

The entire time I’m at the gym I’m reminding myself in my head that I owe nothing to the men around me. I do not need to get out of their way. I’m here for the same reason they are. I pay the same membership price. I am a human being. Yet I still get the looks and the signs that I’m in “their way.” It’s ridiculous.

The icing on the cake is that I go to Planet Fitness. I literally go to the gym they call a “Judgement Free Zone.” The idea behind Planet Fitness is that it’s a chill gym. They don’t want bodybuilders and overenthusiastic weight lifters there. The point of Planet Fitness is Fitness. It’s not for you to get ripped, or to get shredded or anything. Like it’s for middle aged people and girls like me who just need a treadmill and some weights. No one at Planet Fitness is going to the Olympics. My 3 minutes on any given machine will not derail your entire workout regimen. And even if it did, I pay to go here! It’s not YOUR gym!

So please, men, calm down. Take a deep breath. Wait your turn. And stop expecting women to get out of your way. We’re not in your way. We’re just here.

Rant over.

xoxo
Kam

Check Your Privilege

Leave a comment

Trigger Warning: if you live a charmed life, this might offend you.

Let me start off by saying I am very happy with my life. I don’t think I’d pick another one any day of the week. Of course, I might change some variables if I could, but I love the person I am and most of that is shaped by the life I’ve been given.
That being said, if you are someone who hasn’t really had much of a struggle, I invite you, no I beg you to please check your privilege. Take a good hard look at your life, and cherish blessing you have received. In suburban America, I do not consider myself privileged. On a world scale, even on just a more macro scale of America, I do consider myself privileged. So I can also use this pep talk every now and then, but let me talk to those above me on this privilege scale.
Let’s not even talk about material things. Let’s talk emotions. Disgusting confession: I hate when people my age (19) are devastated by the loss of a grandparent. I know it’s such a horrible horrible thing to say, but it’s the honest feeling I get in my gut when people talk to me about like that specific thing. It’s so messed up, and I know that but I can’t help it. I send my condolences and move on with it. I know, some people are super close with their grandparents, I’m not really one of those people, and I won’t say it’s not a sad thing, but to me, it’s just so minimal on the emotional damage scale. I know I’m really messed up in the head, but can you blame me? I lost my dad when I was 12. Yes, I’m playing the dead dad card, but that’s my reasoning. I started losing grandparents when I was 5 I think. Will I be sad when I lose my remaining grandmothers? Absolutely. But I don’t predict it rocking my world the way losing a father did. To me, you’re supposed to lose your grandparents. It’s like the circle of life. You’re supposed to lose your parents too. Hopefully not when you’re 12, but hey! That’s life. So that’s my horrible thought of the day. Back to privilege though.
What I’m trying to get at, is this idea that we all have something that is the worst thing that has ever happened to us. For me, it’s losing my father. For some people, it’s losing a grandparent. For some people it’s losing a dog. Literally. I’m not teasing or trying to cheapen your pain, but that’s when you know you have a charmed life. Like, I sometimes wonder what those kids write their college essays about. I feel terrible just putting these thoughts onto a screen, but you know what? I’m not sorry. Because what I’m really trying to get at is more on a world scale.
When Caitlyn Jenner first appeared as Caitlyn Jenner, I thought, “Great!” I didn’t see it as a win for the Trans community or a huge step in equality or anything like that. I really saw it as “Great! Another celebrity has the ability to accept herself and has the financial ability to change her physique to accompany that and the social status to still have some respect for it.” However, her speech at the ESPYs last night changed my mind a bit. My favorite quote was,

“If you want to call me names, make jokes, doubt my intentions, go ahead, because the reality is, I can take it,” she said. “But for the thousands of kids out there, coming to terms with being true to who they are, they shouldn’t have to take it.”

That’s when Caitlyn Jenner started to matter to me. I know a speech seldom makes an actual difference (that was a little bit sarcasm), but I’m glad she said it. I wish her youngest daughter could take a lesson from her @ Kylie Jenner. That quote is what it means to check your privilege. Mean things said about celebrities might hurt them, but for every mean thing said about them, they still make money and 12 nice things are said about them. That’s not true for kids growing up in adversity.

I think that’s all I have to say. Another whirlwind of a thought-piece by yours truly.

xoxo
Kam

Kylie Jenner’s Lips

Leave a comment

Well, well, well. It looks as though the truth has finally reached the surface. Kylie Jenner came clean on last week’s episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians that she has temporary lip fillers. I for one, am not surprised. I am however, a little pissed off.

There are all kinds of opinions out there about how Kylie’s lips have influenced young girls to try dangerous stunts to look like her, how they perpetuate cultural appropriation or something, etc. And while those may be somewhat valid issues, they’re not the ones that bother me.

What bothers me first, is the fact that she lied about it for this long. We all knew. We saw the pictures. She claimed it was make-up. And for a while, apparently it was make-up, but then it wasn’t just make-up. Why didn’t she come clean then? Because of her insecurity.

Listen, I can understand an insecurity. We all have at least one. I get it. It’s also probably hard to have insecurities when you grow up in the spotlight and millions of people tell you you’re perfect every day. That’s the thing about insecurities, you still feel them even when everyone else disagrees with you. I get that. However, I cannot condone this message she is sending that says if you have money, you can fix your insecurities.

This girl is 18. She is barely legal. And she has already had work done. Fine, it’s not permanent and if she wanted to, she could stop the injections at any time and the effects would wear off. But she is paying hundreds of dollars to alter her face because she’s insecure. What kind of message does that send?

I’m not in favor of parents yelling at celebrities for being bad influences. I think it’s stupid, really. If you can’t raise your kid well enough for them to know the difference between celebrities and real people, then you have bigger problems. But that doesn’t stop kids from looking up to celebrities. And it’s a cool thing nowadays for celebrities to embrace their insecurities. They show them off or just talk about them because at the end of the day they’re human. What I cannot get down with is the fact that now Kylie Jenner is saying yes I have an insecurity, but I can afford to get rid of it. That’s just ridiculous.

Guess what kids? I know you may be insecure about your face or your body or your hair, but if you make millions of dollars a year, you don’t have to deal with it. I think I would have less of a problem if Kylie Jenner had earned any of her money on her own, but she was actually just born into the right family.

Consider this a rant about me being poor, or hating on celebrities, or whatever you want, but that’s my opinion. Shame on you, Kylie Jenner.

xoxo,

Kam

Leave Disney Princesses Alone!

Leave a comment

While we’re on the subject of body shaming, can we talk about Disney Princesses?

Yes. The secret is out. Cinderella, Aurora, Snow White, all unrealistic bodies that would not support human life in the real world. But that’s the thing- they don’t exist in the real world. These are cartoon characters.

Why is it such a crime that all the princesses are skinny? Would I hate a plus-sized princess? No, but I don’t think it’s necessary. I keep seeing articles about people getting all up in arms because these characters have “unrealistic body standards.” My question is: whose standards are you holding yourselves or other people to? I know that there is this idea of ideal beauty in most of society’s mind that includes a slim waist. However, I do not for a second believe that that standard comes from cartoons. And I certainly do not believe they are furthering that standard.

Proportions are funny. Like for most of us not great artists when we’re asked to draw a face and we draw it with the eyes where the forehead should be and the nose in the true center of a perfectly circular face. I think a lot of us don’t understand how the actual proportions of our bodies work. But it’s not like we freak out if a person’s nose is in the exact center of the face. I don’t know if this is making sense.

I know the people at Disney have probably taken a few drawing classes, so they actually do understand proportions, and just choose to mess them up. But that doesn’t mean ill-proportioned bodies are becoming an expectation for our young girls. I think little girls want to look like Cinderella, yes, but not because her neck is the same size as her waist; it’s because she’s a freakin princess.

The point is, I don’t think women and girls look to cartoons for body inspiration. I think they do look at celebrities, I do it myself. And I’m not saying all celebrities should be a certain size in order to make girls feel comfortable. I think we’re getting past idolizing the anorexic look, and forgive me if I’m wrong. If we need better “role models” for our bodies (which in reality, we don’t need them at all) then we need more representation in live action movies. And even then, how about we just stop comparing ourselves to people who are on camera for a living. I know, easier said than done, but it’s the only solution.

Anyway, forget about cartoons. It’s not their fault we’re a messed up society.

Sorry this was a word vomit of a post.

xoxo,
Kam

I Believe in Generation Y

Leave a comment

I guess a cool thing for “the man” and the baby boomers to do these days is complain about how my generation (today’s teens and young adults) acts narcissistic and is completely absorbed by technology. Like there’s this one commercial for mobile banking or something and it shows a family going on vacation. Then the parents say something about not having cell reception on the island and the teenaged kids are devastated. They say things like “you mean we’ll actually have to talk to each other???” In the most dramatic voices.

This is offensive.
I will admit, we young whippersnappers spend too much time on our phones and it has affected the way we communicate with people around us and in the “real world.” However we have not become mindless zombies wh0 typ3 lykee th!$. I think in reality we’ve become the opposite.
Technology is a beautiful thing, and social media while it has its flaws, has taught us how to thrive in the modern world. Take Vine for example. It’s a platform where users post up to 6-second long videos for their friends and followers to view. At first it looked like Vine was for lazy people. People so lazy or attention-deficit that they could only watch 6-second videos. Now Vine has blown up into a whole new world of art. I’m not kidding. There are people making money off of Thai because they have learned ways to use their creativity to make 6-second masterpieces. And those people are my age. If you watch some of the crazy viral Vines you’ll see. It’s not something people do when they’re bored anymore. It’s something people are taking time to plan, write, and produce. If that’s not amazing, I don’t know what is.
And beyond that, looking at Twitter. Kids today use Twitter for all kinds of things like tweeting “Kim Kardashian is my mom” to “#BlackLivesMatter.” Whatever it is, they have to condense their input down to 140 characters. And people are posting political, social, opinions in clear and concise tweets that might be seen by 10-1 million people.
I am just always amazed at the way my generation takes good inventions and turns them into advancements. Beyond that, we are connecting across the globe. Yes, we interact way differently than our predecessors, but we share our thoughts and opinions with people we have never even met. The tumblr community for example is always proving the doubters wrong in my opinion. Our elders say our generation, the “selfie generation” is narcissistic. That may be true, but we care so much about each other and the worlds in which we live. Every time a social justice issue arises, the tumblr community explodes not only with opinions, but offering prayers and support to whomever needs it. If they hear about another tumblr user who committed suicide because they’re parents didn’t accept them, they make that kid a celebrity overnight. If they hear about issues not being covered enough by mass media, they tell everyone they know and people they don’t know about it. And this is the website that made “memes” a thing.
I get really happy when I see what people my age are doing for our world, and there’s not a lot I hate more than old people making fun of us because they don’t get it. When we inherit this world, or what’s left of it, I really think it might just be a better place.
Xoxo,
Kam

Self Preservation

Leave a comment

Happy New Year to my loyal readers. Sorry it’s been a while since I’ve written, but I want to resolve to write more this year. Tell all your friends.

In the spirit of the new year, and a new semester for me at college, I wanted to address something so cliché but so important in my life, and it’s happiness. I hate the whole idea of people saying “do what makes you happy” as if that’s how we’re supposed to live. I don’t believe that. I do, however, believe that you should be happy in what you’re doing, and that depends on you alone.

That sounds really contradictory, but you know I’m going to explain. To the first statement: don’t live your life making every decision just because it makes you happy. That’s bogus. Happiness is a moving target. If you’re constantly chasing this idea of being happy, you’ll never be content and satisfied in your life. That being said, if you don’t like something about your life and it makes sense to change it, change it. But don’t run around doing whatever your heart desires from day to day. Live. Just live. Life isn’t actually short. It’s the longest thing you’ll ever do. I know, another cliché, but it’s true.

My contradiction- you should be happy. There is nothing worse than living a life where you are dissatisfied all the time. It’s just not a good way to live. It’s not healthy, and it’s kind of a waste. I think people often do this to themselves when they let their happiness depend on someone else’s. Of course, be empathetic, and try to help the people you love if they are not happy, but there has to be a balance. I read something recently that said, “Try to help your friend if they’re burning, but don’t set yourself on fire in doing so.” That’s my mantra. The people that live with this dark cloud constantly over their head often do it to themselves. Obviously there are situations like abuse or something like that where the person may actually be trapped, but the people I’m thinking of are in no such situation, they just live like there’s nothing left to live for. If you’re in a relationship with someone like that, I advise you to get out. Okay, I don’t know all of you or how your relationships work, but something should change if their misery is interfering with your own contention.

I’m being selfish. I’m a selfish person. But you know what? Life is a selfish thing. You have to be selfish in order to survive. What I have come to understand is that you should never be sorry for being happy. I have had friends go through rough patches of life, and for a while I would not tell them how I’m doing because I was doing great. And that’s not fair. Why should I feel bad because I have a good hand this round? I shouldn’t. I realized that. There are times when I’m the one not doing so well, and it sucks, but life moves very fast and more often than not I’ll be winning the next round. Of course be a decent person, you don’t have to rub it in your hurting friend’s face that your life seems perfect. But when I ask my friends how they’re doing and they say “not so great,” I listen to what their going through, offer my advice if necessary, then let them handle it. If they need help of course I help, but when they ask how I’m doing, I refuse to lie if I’m actually doing well. you shouldn’t be ashamed of being happy. Ever.

I hope some of this makes sense. I just think people need to smile more. Life isn’t that serious. I believe that. Maybe I have a super idealistic view, or maybe it’s just because I’ve seen worse situations that most people can fathom. Smile, people. You’ll feel better. 🙂

I Hate Exercising

1 Comment

Spoiler alert: this is just gonna be a rant about why I hate exercising.

I hate exercising. I am all about health and if you’re into it, fitness, but I really really hate working out. It’s boring. I love playing sports (sort of), and like dancing and/or doing things like Zumba, but I absolutely hate going to the gym to run in place and pick up heavy things. It’s mind numbingly boring. I wish it wasn’t a socially encouraged thing that we subject ourselves to.

Let me tell you what I do at the gym. First, I take about 3 hours to convince myself to go. If that is successful, I take about another hour to get ready. The only thing I like about working out is the clothes. I love workout clothes. They’re comfortable, and if you can afford them, they’re cute. I love looking like someone who goes to the gym a lot. I think that’s a really cute look, and you really look like you have your life together if it looks like you enjoy working out and can afford Lululemon (I can’t.)

Affording cute workout clothes was a big deal for me. All of high school, I wore like my dad’s old basketball shorts and random t-shirts to the gym when I went to softball workouts and I felt like such a slob. Granted I went to a yuppie private school where the athletes were elitist jocks, the worst kind of jocks. You were a total scrub if you didn’t have brightly colored Nikes and matching spandex. The ultimate status symbol, of course, were Nike mid-calves. You all know what I’m talking about. Black socks, that come about 3 inches about the ankle, and have white swooshes on the sides. If you didn’t wear them you were irrelevant. The typical girl in my high school weight room would be wearing: brightly colored (probably custom) Nikes, preferably matching NikePro spandex under coordinated NikePro running shorts, and a white Fruit of the Loom v-neck men’s undershirt. I kid you not, every girl is in this same outfit or a variation of it. I loved this look. I wanted this look, but I couldn’t afford it and there was no way in hell my mom would’ve bought me $80 running shoes or $12/pair socks.

Eventually I figured out how to cheat the system. Wal Mart picked up on the trends, and their athletic wear line started to feature shorts that resembled, almost identically, the NikePro shorts and spandex for around $6/pair. I made out like bandit. I bought a pack of t-shirts, some Hanes mid-calf socks at around $0.50/pair, and matched some spandex and shorts. I finally had “the look.” I never felt more accomplished. By senior year, I had my own job, so I broke my bank on my first pair of Nike running shoes, and I had arrived. All this, and I did not like working out even a little more.

Now I’m in college. I go to Sarah Lawrence, which is a tiny liberal arts school in Yonkers, New York. Athletics here is like an afterthought. We have sports, and just became an NCAA Divison III competitor, and I am continuing my softball career here. There are people here that are athletes, but it’s nothing like high school. I went to a Zumba class in my first week here, in my Nike sneakers, Nike mid-calves, Wal Mart knock-off shorts, spandex, and my white v-neck, and I felt judged. Everyone else was pretty much naked, in tiny dancer shorts or just spandex, but they looked nothing like me. Maybe it was because it was a dance class, and not a weight-room, but I was mortified. Okay, it wasn’t that big a deal, but I’m pretty pissed.

Working out is all about a look. Okay, for some people it’s about health, but for me it’s about a look. I either want to look like I work out in my body shape or my clothes, and it’s definitely not gonna be my body shape at this point, so it has to be my clothes. And here, no one cares. I guess that’s good for me, but I’m pretty salty I put in so much effort for nothing.

Whatever, I hate working out.

xoxo
Kam

An Open Letter to My Father

Leave a comment

Dear Dad,

It’s been 5 and a half years since you died, and every time I think about it the idea becomes more and more abstract. Last night I think you “came to me” in a dream. I don’t think I ever believed stuff like that happened, but it felt very real to me last night.
It’s not the first time I’ve had a dream about you after your death. I used to dream about you coming back to life somewhat frequently. Like you would walk through the front door and have never been dead. Those dreams always hit me hard emotionally, but they never felt real. I don’t even remember everything that happened in my dream last night, but it felt real in the most trivial way. I was laying next to you and you commented on my nose ring. I don’t even remember what you said. I just remember that little scene, and waking up soon after. I just got my nose ring two months ago, so it was as if you were seeing me in real time, and being here.
I wish I could remember more of what happened, what you said to me. I know I woke up feeling raw, like you had just come to visit me at college and then left again too soon. The hardest part I struggle with is feeling like I don’t even know who you were. I was a week away from 13 when you died. I was old enough surely to understand the whole idea of death and to remember you, of course. But why is it that whenever someone asks me, “What would your dad say about that?” I don’t know how to answer? Why does it feel like I didn’t know you that well? Why is it hard for me to remember where you were or what you did when I think about memories before you died? It’s not fair. I was just a kid. I didn’t get a chance to really screw up and have you teach me a lesson from it. I didn’t get to have you through high school, and hardly middle school. If you did really appear to me last night, why is this the first time it’s felt this real? Where were you when I needed you?
Is this even real?
xoxo
kam

Ode to Joan Rivers

Leave a comment

Last week the world lost one of the best comedians of all time, in my opinion, Joan Rivers. If you’re an avid reader of my blog it shouldn’t take you long to figure out why I love her so much. She was a bitch. I’m a bitch. We could’ve been great friends, I’m sure of that. Hearing the news a fews weeks ago that she had gone into cardiac arrest was shocking, and watching the news unfold- medical induced coma, life support, death, was devastating.

I’m not one to get emotionally attached to celebrities, but I did feel very sad at this loss, especially the reactions that followed. All the celebrities that gave statements had very kind words for Joan. They joked about how it wouldn’t be the same wearing silly outfits if she wasn’t around to mock them. They praised her career and the impact she had on comedy for women and for the whole world. You could tell these friends of hers were deeply saddened by her death. Then there were the people who didn’t know her.

I saw horrible posts on tumblr and twitter about how Joan was a homophobe, racist, transphobe, who deserved to die. These posts were from people who constantly post about feminism and wanting equality. They were celebrating the death of a “bully.” This enraged me, not only because I worship Joan, but also because of how wrong these people are.

Joan Rivers made a lot of jokes. It was her job. She was a comedian. She made people laugh. Yes, a lot of her jokes were offensive, but they were jokes. That does not mean she hated people. How could she be a homophobe? She ran Fashion Police. Without gays she would hardly have had a job. That’s not true, but you see my point. She made a lot of jokes about plastic surgery and we ALL know she loved that.

Not only was she making jokes, but according to all her peers, she was full of kindness. I believe that. Not one celebrity who knew Joan had a mean thing to say about her. She had love in her heart for her family and friends.

If I haven’t convinced you yet, I’m just getting started. Joan knew pain. She did not have it easy coming into the business. Sure she gained success fairly quickly early on, working for Johnny Carson. But as soon as she was offered her own show, a huge career advancement, she was blackballed by NBC for leaving Carson. 25 years she was hardly able to show her face on the network because she chose to have her own success. That didn’t stop her though, obviously. she built her own empire without them. If that’s not an empowered woman, I don’t know what is.

Beyond that, she knows pain. Her own husband killed himself. Sure, there are obviously people who have had it way worse than Joan Rivers, but she is undeniably a fighter, and a hard worker, and has paid her dues for the respect she deserves. And she can laugh about it. That’s why I love Joan is because she laughs through the pain. She makes jokes to get through. That’s what I do. Sure, that’s not everyone’s style, but it was hers, and the attacks people are making on her are uneducated, ridiculous, and rude. Forget everything I just said, and think about her family that is dealing with her death. The loss of a mother, a grandmother. Think about them reading tweets saying “Ding dong the bitch is dead.” have a little class, people. Let the woman rest in peace. I love you, Joan. Rest easy, you crazy bitch.

xoxo,
kam

How Ignorant are You

Leave a comment

Let’s talk about race. First of all, I cannot comprehend how there it is 2014 and still there is still so much hate in the world. It’s estimated that humanity has been in existence for about 200,000 years, yet we’re still bickering about things like the color of our skin.

Let the record show that I am a half black, half white teenage girl from New Jersey. I’m not from the low country where it’s still a thing to proudly fly a confederate flag. But I have been down there and I swear we lost a lot of those states before Gettysburg. Yes I am saying they are stuck in the pre-Civil War era. Sure they may not approve of slavery now, but they kind of act like. The whole slavery thing isn’t about getting work done for free. It’s about oppression. And that aspect of it is still alive and thriving in the south and in the world. Of course I have to say the world because it’s not just black vs. white it’s every color possible against each other.
Can we just think about something for a minute? Racism doesn’t even make sense. I can somewhat understand religious wars, land wars, even the freaking Trojan War better than I can understand the race war. Because all those other things are things you can change. I want you to believe what I believe so I’m gonna kill your family until you believe me. That is wrong and ridiculous, but it’s at least somewhat valid.
Naturally, we cannot change our skin colors. I was born this way, you were born that way. Simple. The whole racism thing came into play because of a power struggle I suppose. A sect of people “needed” to establish dominance, so they picked something the oppressed couldn’t change to use as a weapon against them. How effed up is that?
Moving back to the present.. How can people still think this is okay? I could get into how colonialism destroyed all of Africa and a lot of Asia for hundreds of years, but let’s just talk about America. This is a country founded on the belief that we are all equal. Yes, the men who wrote that still had salves, but they didn’t know any better. And that’s a lame excuse but it was culturally accepted 200 years ago. 200 years ago. Yes we’re over slavery, but are we over its purpose? We’re still oppressing each other. I say we because yes being part black makes me oppressed but black people can be guilty of oppressing other races and/or each other.
I saw a political cartoon describing this idea where a white man is trying to get to the top of a tree. He uses a black man as a ladder and climbs to the tree. Then the white man realizes he shouldn’t use the black man like this so he tells him he can climb the tree too. But he doesn’t hand the black man a ladder. America.