Category: Thoughts and Dreams

How to Let a Guy Down Gently

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Step 1: don’t.

In any relationship or situationship I handle, it is always my priority to be brutally honest at all times. That’s just how I am. I think it makes things easier and clearer and it keeps people from being misled and confused.

The best way to do this from the start of any “thing” is to be honest about what you want-especially if you don’t want anything.

Situation: I was talking to this guy for like a week before I became disinterested. Nothing against him, he just wasn’t my type. So I just kind of stopped responding. I know, kind of goes against my point, but you would think he’d take a hint.

No. No hints. He texted me 10 times over the span of 3 weeks with no reply. Here’s the part where I explain why I should’ve taken my own advice and why honesty is best. If I, the woman in this heterosexual situation, had texted him that often with no response, I have no doubt in my mind I would’ve gotten a little crazy and angry and to his friends I would be the “crazy stalker girl.”

Like thanks to this patriarchal society, women are always the crazy ones if they are simply interested in a guy and not willing to give up. The last guy who stopped talking to me, I think I texted him twice before I assumed he was filing a restraining order against me. It’s ridiculous. But men can text girls nonstop for weeks and we just accept it as normal or desperate, but normal.

Listen up ladies (or others caught in this mindset): you’re not crazy. Whether you’re the texter, or the texter, you’re not crazy. You just need to be honest. Textee: if you don’t want to get texts from this person anymore, say so. That’s what I ended up doing with this situation. I straight up said: “I’m not interested.” And he left me alone. May that have hurt his pride? Maybe. Is that my problem? No. I don’t owe him anything. Texters: if you really think this person shouldn’t be ignoring you, say so. There’s no harm in saying “Look, I think we had a good connection, and forgive me if I misread that, but I would like to hear from you IF you are interested. If not, I will leave you alone.” That’s it. If they don’t respond, let it go. If they do respond and they’re not interested, let it go. You can’t control people, but you can control how you handle these situations and how they play out if you just make things clear.

The world needs a little more honesty.

Xoxo,
Kam

Why I Need Feminism

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If you don’t like feminist rants, stop reading. But know that you shouldn’t stop reading because if you don’t like feminist rants, there’s a good chance you need to read this.

Dear men,
Stop standing behind me at the gym while I’m using a machine. I am not going to get off the machine any faster with you breathing down my neck. I get it. You NEED to work out RIGHT NOW, but listen, I was here first. This is how order works. Without waiting our turn for things, the world would be in chaos. You look really creepy doing this, and it’s really freaking rude. You don’t do this to other males. In fact when other males are on machines, you do something else until they’re done, and then ask them if they’re done before you use it. WOMEN DESERVE THE SAME RESPECT. The gym is not “your turf.” I would not treat you like this if you came to the beauty salon. Why? Because these are public places, not operated by your patriarchy. It is 2015. Every man after Adam came out of a woman. Show some respect.

This actually happened to me. This actually happens kind of a lot to me. If you read my blog religiously, or sporadically I suppose, you know I hate going to the gym. I really do. In case I needed another reason, here is one. Men. Why is it that when I go to the gym I feel like I have to be neither seen nor heard so I don’t get in the way of men picking up heavy things? It’s not fair. It’s really messed up.

The entire time I’m at the gym I’m reminding myself in my head that I owe nothing to the men around me. I do not need to get out of their way. I’m here for the same reason they are. I pay the same membership price. I am a human being. Yet I still get the looks and the signs that I’m in “their way.” It’s ridiculous.

The icing on the cake is that I go to Planet Fitness. I literally go to the gym they call a “Judgement Free Zone.” The idea behind Planet Fitness is that it’s a chill gym. They don’t want bodybuilders and overenthusiastic weight lifters there. The point of Planet Fitness is Fitness. It’s not for you to get ripped, or to get shredded or anything. Like it’s for middle aged people and girls like me who just need a treadmill and some weights. No one at Planet Fitness is going to the Olympics. My 3 minutes on any given machine will not derail your entire workout regimen. And even if it did, I pay to go here! It’s not YOUR gym!

So please, men, calm down. Take a deep breath. Wait your turn. And stop expecting women to get out of your way. We’re not in your way. We’re just here.

Rant over.

xoxo
Kam

Check Your Privilege

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Trigger Warning: if you live a charmed life, this might offend you.

Let me start off by saying I am very happy with my life. I don’t think I’d pick another one any day of the week. Of course, I might change some variables if I could, but I love the person I am and most of that is shaped by the life I’ve been given.
That being said, if you are someone who hasn’t really had much of a struggle, I invite you, no I beg you to please check your privilege. Take a good hard look at your life, and cherish blessing you have received. In suburban America, I do not consider myself privileged. On a world scale, even on just a more macro scale of America, I do consider myself privileged. So I can also use this pep talk every now and then, but let me talk to those above me on this privilege scale.
Let’s not even talk about material things. Let’s talk emotions. Disgusting confession: I hate when people my age (19) are devastated by the loss of a grandparent. I know it’s such a horrible horrible thing to say, but it’s the honest feeling I get in my gut when people talk to me about like that specific thing. It’s so messed up, and I know that but I can’t help it. I send my condolences and move on with it. I know, some people are super close with their grandparents, I’m not really one of those people, and I won’t say it’s not a sad thing, but to me, it’s just so minimal on the emotional damage scale. I know I’m really messed up in the head, but can you blame me? I lost my dad when I was 12. Yes, I’m playing the dead dad card, but that’s my reasoning. I started losing grandparents when I was 5 I think. Will I be sad when I lose my remaining grandmothers? Absolutely. But I don’t predict it rocking my world the way losing a father did. To me, you’re supposed to lose your grandparents. It’s like the circle of life. You’re supposed to lose your parents too. Hopefully not when you’re 12, but hey! That’s life. So that’s my horrible thought of the day. Back to privilege though.
What I’m trying to get at, is this idea that we all have something that is the worst thing that has ever happened to us. For me, it’s losing my father. For some people, it’s losing a grandparent. For some people it’s losing a dog. Literally. I’m not teasing or trying to cheapen your pain, but that’s when you know you have a charmed life. Like, I sometimes wonder what those kids write their college essays about. I feel terrible just putting these thoughts onto a screen, but you know what? I’m not sorry. Because what I’m really trying to get at is more on a world scale.
When Caitlyn Jenner first appeared as Caitlyn Jenner, I thought, “Great!” I didn’t see it as a win for the Trans community or a huge step in equality or anything like that. I really saw it as “Great! Another celebrity has the ability to accept herself and has the financial ability to change her physique to accompany that and the social status to still have some respect for it.” However, her speech at the ESPYs last night changed my mind a bit. My favorite quote was,

“If you want to call me names, make jokes, doubt my intentions, go ahead, because the reality is, I can take it,” she said. “But for the thousands of kids out there, coming to terms with being true to who they are, they shouldn’t have to take it.”

That’s when Caitlyn Jenner started to matter to me. I know a speech seldom makes an actual difference (that was a little bit sarcasm), but I’m glad she said it. I wish her youngest daughter could take a lesson from her @ Kylie Jenner. That quote is what it means to check your privilege. Mean things said about celebrities might hurt them, but for every mean thing said about them, they still make money and 12 nice things are said about them. That’s not true for kids growing up in adversity.

I think that’s all I have to say. Another whirlwind of a thought-piece by yours truly.

xoxo
Kam

I Believe in Generation Y

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I guess a cool thing for “the man” and the baby boomers to do these days is complain about how my generation (today’s teens and young adults) acts narcissistic and is completely absorbed by technology. Like there’s this one commercial for mobile banking or something and it shows a family going on vacation. Then the parents say something about not having cell reception on the island and the teenaged kids are devastated. They say things like “you mean we’ll actually have to talk to each other???” In the most dramatic voices.

This is offensive.
I will admit, we young whippersnappers spend too much time on our phones and it has affected the way we communicate with people around us and in the “real world.” However we have not become mindless zombies wh0 typ3 lykee th!$. I think in reality we’ve become the opposite.
Technology is a beautiful thing, and social media while it has its flaws, has taught us how to thrive in the modern world. Take Vine for example. It’s a platform where users post up to 6-second long videos for their friends and followers to view. At first it looked like Vine was for lazy people. People so lazy or attention-deficit that they could only watch 6-second videos. Now Vine has blown up into a whole new world of art. I’m not kidding. There are people making money off of Thai because they have learned ways to use their creativity to make 6-second masterpieces. And those people are my age. If you watch some of the crazy viral Vines you’ll see. It’s not something people do when they’re bored anymore. It’s something people are taking time to plan, write, and produce. If that’s not amazing, I don’t know what is.
And beyond that, looking at Twitter. Kids today use Twitter for all kinds of things like tweeting “Kim Kardashian is my mom” to “#BlackLivesMatter.” Whatever it is, they have to condense their input down to 140 characters. And people are posting political, social, opinions in clear and concise tweets that might be seen by 10-1 million people.
I am just always amazed at the way my generation takes good inventions and turns them into advancements. Beyond that, we are connecting across the globe. Yes, we interact way differently than our predecessors, but we share our thoughts and opinions with people we have never even met. The tumblr community for example is always proving the doubters wrong in my opinion. Our elders say our generation, the “selfie generation” is narcissistic. That may be true, but we care so much about each other and the worlds in which we live. Every time a social justice issue arises, the tumblr community explodes not only with opinions, but offering prayers and support to whomever needs it. If they hear about another tumblr user who committed suicide because they’re parents didn’t accept them, they make that kid a celebrity overnight. If they hear about issues not being covered enough by mass media, they tell everyone they know and people they don’t know about it. And this is the website that made “memes” a thing.
I get really happy when I see what people my age are doing for our world, and there’s not a lot I hate more than old people making fun of us because they don’t get it. When we inherit this world, or what’s left of it, I really think it might just be a better place.
Xoxo,
Kam

An Open Letter to My Father

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Dear Dad,

It’s been 5 and a half years since you died, and every time I think about it the idea becomes more and more abstract. Last night I think you “came to me” in a dream. I don’t think I ever believed stuff like that happened, but it felt very real to me last night.
It’s not the first time I’ve had a dream about you after your death. I used to dream about you coming back to life somewhat frequently. Like you would walk through the front door and have never been dead. Those dreams always hit me hard emotionally, but they never felt real. I don’t even remember everything that happened in my dream last night, but it felt real in the most trivial way. I was laying next to you and you commented on my nose ring. I don’t even remember what you said. I just remember that little scene, and waking up soon after. I just got my nose ring two months ago, so it was as if you were seeing me in real time, and being here.
I wish I could remember more of what happened, what you said to me. I know I woke up feeling raw, like you had just come to visit me at college and then left again too soon. The hardest part I struggle with is feeling like I don’t even know who you were. I was a week away from 13 when you died. I was old enough surely to understand the whole idea of death and to remember you, of course. But why is it that whenever someone asks me, “What would your dad say about that?” I don’t know how to answer? Why does it feel like I didn’t know you that well? Why is it hard for me to remember where you were or what you did when I think about memories before you died? It’s not fair. I was just a kid. I didn’t get a chance to really screw up and have you teach me a lesson from it. I didn’t get to have you through high school, and hardly middle school. If you did really appear to me last night, why is this the first time it’s felt this real? Where were you when I needed you?
Is this even real?
xoxo
kam